La Boina Roja

Linux, the struggles are real!


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She might have been patient zero in the Netherlands….

Exactly one year ago, on the first of January 2020. I went out for dinner with someone who flew back from Italy that morning. She (I will call her X from now on) spent three weeks in Italy celebrating the holidays with her family. See normally when people fly back from abroad, they leave they airport as quickly as possible to head home. Not X though, when she arrived on Schiphol Airport that day, she spent hours hanging around on the airport by herself while drinking cappuccinos koffie

When she finally headed home she sent me a text, asking me if I had plans for tonight. I said I didn’t, so she invited me to have dinner with her in a restaurant. We sat there in close proximity (as was normal back then) eating and talking for hours. I noticed X had a cold, she was sneezing and had a runny nose. I didn’t think anything off it, after all it was winter everyone gets a cold right?

So on the 12th of January I got ill. People who know me, know I never get ill. And if I get ill, I don’t complain, hence the image “Janice never gets ill”.

But this time  it was different. I got a fever that just wouldn’t GO THE FUCK AWAY! I took the maximum allowed Ibuprofen and the still the fever stayed which was shocking, since 1 Ibuprofen used to be sufficient. So being the smart person I am I decided to take 5 more Ibuprofen more then is allowed without consulting a doctor frusty Normally I am not this retarded I swear emo but I couldn’t think straight due to the fever. Taking the 5 extra Ibuprofen didin’t help btw, the fever lasted for 6 days. During those 6 days I literally couldn’t do shit, besides lying in bed watching Chateau Meiland and complain to everyone about how  ill I am.

After those 6 days I went back to work, I still had a cold and a runny nose. One off the things I noticed after my initial illness  there was a shortness of breath and me being dizzy. These two things lasted till April at least. But I didn’t think much of it in the beginning. I thought the shortness of breath had to with my age and sedentary lifestyle. The dizziness I blamed on being vegetarian and not getting enough carbs, I am the kind of person who struggles to eat 150 grams carbs a day.

So when COVID-19 started getting mentioned on the news a lot, like in early February 2020, I didn’t think much about the fever I had. Hell, back then I didn’t take COVID-19 serious, even though I saw on the news how it played out for Italy. I took COVID-19 seriously when a Dutch doctor went nuclear on my ass, after I told him that “COVID-19 is just a flu” this was on Friday the 13th of March. Two days before the first partial lock down was announced on the the 15th of March 2020. It got me thinking about the fever I had early in January 2020 and shortness of breath and the dizziness I was still suffering from.

I took the first partial lock down very seriously, yes people I went to the supermarket to haul on toilet paper and certain foods. I tried to do it undercover picool without the help of Sonia (my real mom). I told her specifically that I went to haul stuff in several supermarkets undercover.

Yet she still advised me to ask the supermarket manager to ask when a load of non-perishable stuff would arrive, way to blow my cover mom.

Then she asked me to take a picture of my cart in while being in the supermarket, yes mom that is really a thing someone should do while hauling stuff undercover eerie Taking proudly pictures of their cart in the supermarket.

 

Then she had the audacity to laugh at my cabinets where I stored my haul talktothehand (People, I live in a very tiny studio so there is not much to store.)

Ooh, regarding X, I never discussed with her whether I might have gotten COVID-19 from her or not. After that dinner I kind off stopped talking to her. It was not about getting the virus from her, but her openly preying on under-age boys while going out with me.

I do wonder though if she brought COVID-19 to Rotterdam and made it spread like wildfire. See X is an expat, she came to the Netherlands in June 2019. And ever since she seems to have one, and only one hobby which is going through Tinder like a mad woman. Every Friday and Saturday night she fucks a different guy, obviously that is not enough facepalm So she also has a 19 year old fuck buddy on the side. This fuck buddy is a student whose part time job is delivering groceries. Till this day it amazes that Brabant was the first Dutch location where COVID-19 became problematic and not Rotterdam due to X her side activities.


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Letting of of the perfection

Yep, that is one of the hardest things to do for me,  despite knowing  it can hold me back 😔 But a couple of months ago, I decided when it comes to studying math, I will let go of some of the perfection.

See when I just started learning Math at KhanAcademy, I took notes religiously and way too seriously. I would take notes of every vid (I wish I was joking😐 ) and I watched every F-U-C-K-I-N-G vid. My notes would be categorized according to my system but still in sync with KhanAcademy. I used to study in a coffee shop where the desks were much bigger then the tiny thing made off match sticks I have at home.

These are the notes I used to make in the huge binder:

 

Also notice the 6d in the top right corner? That is how I used to index my notes (yes I am anal-retentive like that). I remember getting annoyed when KhanAcademy changed their subjects around, so my system of categorizing was not on par with the site any more.

Since there is no place for a huge binder on my desk, I bought a smaller binder (size a5). And believe it or not, I threw the huge binder with my notes in the trash 😮

 

On the left my notes on A5 on the right my old notes on A4.

 

Since that day, I changed my approach to note taking. I will not take notes off every vid any more, I will take notes when I struggle with a subject or when I see this symbol (which indicates a mini paper on the given subject):

 

 

But most importantly I will stop categorizing my notes, the new note will be placed on top. Plus when it comes to note taking, some notes will be placed on this blog. I will go a for a hybrid thingy, I guess.

Does that mean I have let go off the perfection  completely? Hell NO❗️ The perfection, will be focussed on watching every vid no matter how well versed I am on the subject. Plus every unit test and course challenge needs to be on 100%.

Take a look on the picture below, it says that I have mastered 4th grade math for 100%. Despite scoring a 90% on my course challenge. Being the person I am, I was not happy with the outcome 😡

 

 

I did the course challenge a couple of times (like only 40 times or so, I am not joking😐 ) till I scored 100%.

 

It was only then I moved on to the 5th grade.

Yes I know, new vids and exercises are daily added on KhanAcademy. And yes I check regularly if the grades I already mastered (for 100%, nothing less) have new content. If so I will watch the new vids and do the new exercises. I did already mention in this post I am anal-retentive, yes?

 

Remember you can always do the cliccie for a larger piccie 😋


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Ik heb heel lang de dans kunnen ontspringen…

Maar vandaag, moest óók ik er aan geloven. Vandaag heb ik namelijk een fraude sms ontvangen, mijn eerste phishing 😎

Mijn eerste reactie was paniek, dat geef ik eerlijk toe 😳  Ik heb meteen de klantenservice van de Belastingdienst gebeld (0800 0543), die was al gesloten. Zou het sms-je met opzet zo laat verstuurd zijn?  Daarna  ben ik ingelogd op DigiD, en er was geen belastingschuld te bekennen, pfieeuw!

Toen besloot ik om op het linkje in de sms te klikken (beste lezer doe dit NOOIT EN TE NIMMER!). Ik kreeg het volgende te zien:

(Ik heb natuurlijk geen rooie cent overgemaakt!)

Nieuwsgierig als ik ben, heb  ik naar het nummer gebeld van waar het sms-je is verstuurd . Voicemail box was helemaal vol, waarschijnlijk volgescholden 😎

Beste lezer, meld dit soort fraudes bij de fraudehelpdesk en verwijder de betreffende sms-jes meteen. Hoe meer meldingen, hoe groter de kans dat deze misdadige figuren gepakt worden. (Deze specifieke fraude is al  bekend, bij de fraudehelpdesk.)

 


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Dear N,

I am so, so sorry.

See I forgot all about you. When I saw your picture by accident on Social Media, you looked vaguely familiar. So I clicked on your picture which lead to your Social Media account, and I scrolled through while wondering why you looked so familiar. Even your name didn’t ring a bell…

While scrolling, I noticed you uploaded pictures taken in 1998 and it was then that I recognized you immediately! In 1998 we hung out for about 6 months, before we went our separate ways. Then the shock settled in, the shock about the person you became due to mental illness. Your appearance changed, your behaviour changed. Even your voice changed, it is so harsh now…. You used to sound soft-spoken and sweet. Hell you even talk with a different accent now, how is that even possible?

I learned you had you first psychosis in 2008, that was 10 years after we met. And all I could think was:

“This should have been me.”

It’s me who should have been placed in a psychiatric facility in 2008, not you. If people who knew us back then, were asked who would end up with her first psychosis within 10 years.  Everyone (me included) would have answered Janice.

You had unlike me everything going for you. Since you have a Dutch father, the stupid rules of the backward honour culture we were both born in didn’t apply to you. Even your 2 older brothers didn’t gave a fuck about enforcing those stupid rules on you. You know those rules which always are presented under the guise of “to protect women”, but actually are suppressing women, those rules.

You as a girl, had the freedom to go out clubbing, fuck around, drink alcohol, use drugs, wear make up, dress the way you want and live on your own. The only reason I could do all those things in 1998, was because I ran away at 17 from those cancer inducing fuckers with whom I have the bad luck to share a name and DNA with.

Dear N, what happened? Where did it go wrong? How is that you of all people ended up like this? I cannot help but think, something bad must have happened to you, something REAL bad.

You know what makes the situation so eerie? We are in so many ways similar, we were both born in Surinam but grew up in the Netherlands. We both like the same music, we both love to draw with pastels, you use soft pastes and I use oil pastels. We both did things in 1998 that almost all girls from the same backward honour culture weren’t allowed to do. We both never gave a fuck what people from the same shitty culture thought of us, even if their dismay of us was very clear. We were both independent, free spirited girls. Now after all those years, I founnd you again. Not on a random day, but the day you recovered from your fourth psychosis……

Scrolling through your Social Media I read things and saw vids of you that upset me. There was this one specific vid I couldn’t watch, I was scared you would hurt yourself. I sent the vid to my real mom (Sonia ❤ ), she told me what happened. You were making dinner, with vegetables that had mould on them… She also told me, you shouldn’t be living on your own like that (my mom used to work with people who had a psychosis). Apparently due to budget cuts you are let loose on the streets, figuratively. Hearing that broke my heart in so many ways, I have been crying for days about your situation.

There are so many things I read on your Social Media that upset me. Like how you have to ask for discounts while shopping for groceries (isn’t that just begging?). Or how predators prey on you, they know you are vulnerable and the comments they write makes me want to puke. I also have the impression you share nudes with whomever asks….

This is what I don’t understand, going by your Social Media your entire extended family is a part of your life. They visit you, you visit them. Why aren’t they making sure, you have at least enough to eat? So that you don’t have to beg for a discounts or make dinner with moulded vegetables?

The thing that for some reason upsets me the most, is you still live in the area you grew up in. I HATE it that you might be seen as the local crazy lady, who goes around begging. You don’t deserve that, again it should have been me not you. Your current situation for some reason makes me think of the song “Kiss The Rain” by Billie Myers, which ironically was played a lot in 1998. The lyrics, the vid just everything is so apt to where you are now.

A specific scene in the beginning off the vid, makes me think about the moment you lost your sanity. A woman covered in a sheet passes Billie Myers by, I find it interesting you cannot see the woman. Also you see the the woman’s shadow going down the stairs while not seeing her (I think technically you should have been able to see her). After the woman is gone Billie Myers destroys the heart shaped balloon (is that what happened N, did someone destroy your heart?). As the vid continues Billie Myers state of mind visibly declines. Here is the specific scene I am talking about:

(You can see the entire vid here)

I am ending this letter with the lyrics and the promise that I am letting you go. As of today, I won’t be checking your Social Media any more. Again Dear N, I am so, so sorry, I just don’t know what to write, so I am ending it here. (I changed some details to protect N’s identity).

Hello
Can you hear me?
Am I getting through to you?
Hello
Is it late there?
Is there laughter on the line?
Are you sure you’re there alone?
‘Cause I’m
Trying to explain
Something’s wrong

You just don’t sound the same

Why don’t you
Why don’t you
Go outside
Go outside

Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I’m gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We’re under the same sky
And the night’s as empty for me as for you

If you feel
You can’t wait ’til morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

Hello
Do you miss me?
I hear you say you do
But not the way I’m missing you
What’s new?
How’s the weather?
Is it stormy where you are?
You sound so close but it feels like you’re so far
Oh, would it mean anything
If you knew what I’m left imagining

In my mind
In my mind

Would you go
Would you go

Kiss the rain

As you fall
Over me
Think of me
Think of me
Think of me
Only me
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I’m gone too long
If your lips
Feel hungry and tempted
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We’re under the same sky
And the night’s as empty for me as for you
If you feel you can’t wait ’til morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

Hello
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?


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The math game got real!! I bought a Casio fx-82ES PLUS.

Casio_fx_82ES_PLUS

you can find it’s manual here.

It is not that I didn’t had a calculator (separate from my phone) before. But last week I needed to do something with exponents, and I didn’t know how to do it on my calculator. I googled like mad,  trust me 😡 The only thing I found out was that calculator I had, was not allowed on exams and that you shouldn’t do calculations on it when it’s battery is dead 🙄 Always good to know right?

While I was looking for youtube vids or blogs or whatever, I found a lot of youtube vids regarding how to operate the Casio fx-82ES PLUS. And one off  the youtube comments was very apt:Thank you for your explanation. Why do universities require us to buy this caclulator without explaing how it works?”

While the fx-82ES PLUS comes with a manual, still having someone explain to you how to use it, is handy. Ooh, and this calculator is allowed on exams, ha 😎

I must say, with math I am now getting to a point, where I gave up many years ago on high school. Because I thought I sucked at math, being close to the point where I gave up on, I did an amazing discovery. I love doing math! It is like solving puzzles, and that alone gives me hope 😥

Hope that I can do something with the feelings I had when I saw bumblebee (who transformed in a yellow beetle back then) for the first time. The feelings I had when I was watching Jem, it was never about the girls it, it was never about the music. It was about one thing, one thing only; SYNERGY !! (Cortana’s grandmother? Makes the appeal to HALO many, many, years later also clear, I guess 💡 )

Each time I solve something which I never thought I could, I literally hear this lady saying:


The people who know me, know where this is coming from. My love, for always and forever ❤ ❤ ❤ !


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This used to be me….

idrinkbeernow

When I write it used to be me, I am not referring to “the artist” 😐

I have been drinking wine for quite some time now, and I’ve noticed the last couple of years wine slowly but steadily lost it’s appeal. Last time I drank wine was months ago, late 2019. There was time where I couldn’t imagine not drinking wine 😮 Hell, I proudly used to say, “Ever since I started drinking wine, there hasn’t passed a week where I didn’t drink at least one bottle” Look at me in this pic in 2001 gobbling up that red, red, wine.

wine2001

 

I drink beer now 😎