La Boina Roja

Linux, the struggles are real!


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Dear N,

I am so, so sorry.

See I forgot all about you. When I saw your picture by accident on Social Media, you looked vaguely familiar. So I clicked on your picture which lead to your Social Media account, and I scrolled through while wondering why you looked so familiar. Even your name didn’t ring a bell…

While scrolling, I noticed you uploaded pictures taken in 1998 and it was then that I recognized you immediately! In 1998 we hung out for about 6 months, before we went our separate ways. Then the shock settled in, the shock about the person you became due to mental illness. Your appearance changed, your behaviour changed. Even your voice changed, it is so harsh now…. You used to sound soft-spoken and sweet. Hell you even talk with a different accent now, how is that even possible?

I learned you had you first psychosis in 2008, that was 10 years after we met. And all I could think was:

“This should have been me.”

It’s me who should have been placed in a psychiatric facility in 2008, not you. If people who knew us back then, were asked who would end up with her first psychosis within 10 years.  Everyone (me included) would have answered Janice.

You had unlike me everything going for you. Since you have a Dutch father, the stupid rules of the backward honour culture we were both born in didn’t apply to you. Even your 2 older brothers didn’t gave a fuck about enforcing those stupid rules on you. You know those rules which always are presented under the guise of “to protect women”, but actually are suppressing women, those rules.

You as a girl, had the freedom to go out clubbing, fuck around, drink alcohol, use drugs, wear make up, dress the way you want and live on your own. The only reason I could do all those things in 1998, was because I ran away at 17 from those cancer inducing fuckers with whom I have the bad luck to share a name and DNA with.

Dear N, what happened? Where did it go wrong? How is that you of all people ended up like this? I cannot help but think, something bad must have happened to you, something REAL bad.

You know what makes the situation so eerie? We are in so many ways similar, we were both born in Surinam but grew up in the Netherlands. We both like the same music, we both love to draw with pastels, you use soft pastes and I use oil pastels. We both did things in 1998 that almost all girls from the same backward honour culture weren’t allowed to do. We both never gave a fuck what people from the same shitty culture thought of us, even if their dismay of us was very clear. We were both independent, free spirited girls. Now after all those years, I founnd you again. Not on a random day, but the day you recovered from your fourth psychosis……

Scrolling through your Social Media I read things and saw vids of you that upset me. There was this one specific vid I couldn’t watch, I was scared you would hurt yourself. I sent the vid to my real mom (Sonia ❤ ), she told me what happened. You were making dinner, with vegetables that had mould on them… She also told me, you shouldn’t be living on your own like that (my mom used to work with people who had a psychosis). Apparently due to budget cuts you are let loose on the streets, figuratively. Hearing that broke my heart in so many ways, I have been crying for days about your situation.

There are so many things I read on your Social Media that upset me. Like how you have to ask for discounts while shopping for groceries (isn’t that just begging?). Or how predators prey on you, they know you are vulnerable and the comments they write makes me want to puke. I also have the impression you share nudes with whomever asks….

This is what I don’t understand, going by your Social Media your entire extended family is a part of your life. They visit you, you visit them. Why aren’t they making sure, you have at least enough to eat? So that you don’t have to beg for a discounts or make dinner with moulded vegetables?

The thing that for some reason upsets me the most, is you still live in the area you grew up in. I HATE it that you might be seen as the local crazy lady, who goes around begging. You don’t deserve that, again it should have been me not you. Your current situation for some reason makes me think of the song “Kiss The Rain” by Billie Myers, which ironically was played a lot in 1998. The lyrics, the vid just everything is so apt to where you are now.

A specific scene in the beginning off the vid, makes me think about the moment you lost your sanity. A woman covered in a sheet passes Billie Myers by, I find it interesting you cannot see the woman. Also you see the the woman’s shadow going down the stairs while not seeing her (I think technically you should have been able to see her). After the woman is gone Billie Myers destroys the heart shaped balloon (is that what happened N, did someone destroy your heart?). As the vid continues Billie Myers state of mind visibly declines. Here is the specific scene I am talking about:

(You can see the entire vid here)

I am ending this letter with the lyrics and the promise that I am letting you go. As of today, I won’t be checking your Social Media any more. Again Dear N, I am so, so sorry, I just don’t know what to write, so I am ending it here. (I changed some details to protect N’s identity).

Hello
Can you hear me?
Am I getting through to you?
Hello
Is it late there?
Is there laughter on the line?
Are you sure you’re there alone?
‘Cause I’m
Trying to explain
Something’s wrong

You just don’t sound the same

Why don’t you
Why don’t you
Go outside
Go outside

Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I’m gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We’re under the same sky
And the night’s
As empty for me as for you

If you feel
You can’t wait ’til morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

Hello
Do you miss me?
I hear you say you do
But not the way I’m missing you
What’s new?
How’s the weather?
Is it stormy where you are?
You sound so close but it feels like you’re so far
Oh, would it mean anything
If you knew
What I’m left imagining

In my mind
In my mind

Would you go
Would you go

Kiss the rain

As you fall
Over me
Think of me
Think of me
Think of me
Only me
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I’m gone too long
If your lips
Feel hungry and tempted
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We’re under the same sky
And the night’s
As empty for me as for you
If you feel you can’t wait ’til morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

Hello
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?


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How to turn off highlighting in Vim

highlightvim
So recently, I got myself in the situation where everything was highlighted when I typed. Don’t ask me how I got myself in that situation, because I don’t know 🙄 To get rid of the brownish slug my letters were drowning in, I did three things;

Hit the Esc button.

Typed:

:noh

After I hit Enter, the brownish slug aka “highlighting” was gone.

 
Since I don’t know how to turn this brownish slug on, this is the only picture I have. Normally I post more pictures with my “How to’s”.  Yes I did try :seth, it did nothing. Not even the  god of the desert, storms, disorder, violence, and foreigners was summoned 😥

Remember you can always do the cliccie for a larger piccie 😛 Yes, people my laptop is so gross, so am I 😎 Yes I have a piece of tape on my camera, the world doesn’t need so me naked o_O 

 


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Art has to be forgotten, beauty must be realized

After giving up on drawing decades ago, I decided to give it a go again. I ordered a sketch book and Panda Oil Pastels. Why this brand? Well many, many years ago during the class of teacher Terwiel at “De Johan de Wit School” in The Hauge, I fell in love with exactly these oil pastels. I only wanted to draw with these and not the others brands that also were avialable. I frequently used to say in class “Panda krijtjes, ik herken ze met mijn ogen dicht” . Don’t ask me what I was thinking back then 🙄

When I left the fucktards with whom I have the bad luck to share a name and dna with, I moved to a grouphome. Finally I had money to my name, and I could spent it however I wanted it ❤ One off the first things I did with my financial freedom was, buying a small sketch book and Panda Oil Pastels. These are two drawings I made back then

themantheseaandthesun
The one on the left is called, “The Man, The Sea and The Sun” the one on the right is unnamed. That whiteish kind of circle on “The Man, The Sea and The Sun” is me using fixation spray. As you can see that didn’t go well 😕

schetsboek

This is the sketchbook I used, the company still exists!

Why do I love oil pastels so much? Well, there is this roughness about them, it is like using clay on paper. Making it for me a very BLAM-IN-YOUR-FACE way to express myself 😎

I don’t like smoothness in drawings, I’ve always hated that. I also call it a dirty medium, I like how drawings get messy with oil pastels. I have absolutely have no intention (like most youtube folks seem to do) to make my drawings look like oil paintings. No, no, no you will always be able to tell I used oil pastels. Meaning you will see clear lines, the white of the paper coming through etc. etc.

That being said, I have a feeling this will not be an easy medium to master. Then again, looking back at my life, I never seem to take the easy road o_O

What I hate about the Panda Oil Pastels right now is, when I run out of a color I cannot buy a separate oil pastel (Whyyyyyyyy 😥 ) and they only sell two sets of oil pastels (a set of 12 and a set of). I have a set of 24 colors which I think is very limiting..this is the swatch card I made.

swatchcard-panda-oilpastel

Yes I drew yesterday, no I am not going to share that with you guys 😳 Yes, I had lots of fun while drawing. And you know what, while drawing I thought “Beer can go fuck itself now”. To be honest when I wrote this post, I already started to lose interest in beer.


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The math game got real!! I bought a Casio fx-82ES PLUS.

Casio_fx_82ES_PLUS

you can find it’s manual here.

It is not that I didn’t had a calculator (separate from my phone) before. But last week I needed to do something with exponents, and I didn’t know how to do it on my calculator. I googled like mad,  trust me 😡 The only thing I found out was that calculator I had, was not allowed on exams and that you shouldn’t do calculations on it when it’s battery is dead 🙄 Always good to know right?

While I was looking for youtube vids or blogs or whatever, I found a lot of youtube vids regarding how to operate the Casio fx-82ES PLUS. And one off  the youtube comments was very apt:Thank you for your explanation. Why do universities require us to buy this caclulator without explaing how it works?”

While the fx-82ES PLUS comes with a manual, still having someone explain to you how to use it, is handy. Ooh, and this calculator is allowed on exams, ha 😎

I must say, with math I am now getting to a point, where I gave up many years ago on high school. Because I thought I sucked at math, being close to the point where I gave up on, I did an amazing discovery. I love doing math! It is like solving puzzles, and that alone gives me hope 😥

Hope that I can do something with the feelings I had when I saw bumblebee (who transformed in a yellow beetle back then) for the first time. The feelings I had when I was watching Jem, it was never about the girls it, it was never about the music. It was about one thing, one thing only; SYNERGY !! (Cortana’s grandmother? Makes the appeal to HALO many, many, years later also clear, I guess 💡 )

Each time I solve something which I never thought I could, I literally hear this lady saying:


The people who know me, know where this is coming from. My love, for always and forever ❤ ❤ ❤ !


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This used to be me….

idrinkbeernow

When I write it used to be me, I am not referring to “the artist” 😐

I have been drinking wine for quite some time now, and I’ve noticed the last couple of years wine slowly but steadily lost it’s appeal. Last time I drank wine was months ago, late 2019. There was time where I couldn’t imagine not drinking wine 😮 Hell, I proudly used to say, “Ever since I started drinking wine, there hasn’t passed a week where I didn’t drink at least one bottle” Look at me in this pic in 2001 gobbling up that red, red, wine.

wine2001

 

I drink beer now 😎

 


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#khanacademey the beginning of the end?

Namely the beginning of the end of true free online education. It is a sad day today 😥

I discovered that Khan Academy is going to retire some content. Meaning that what was once free at Khan Academy, will most likely have to be paid for somewhere else. Taking away the upward mobility from people from lower social classes who cannot pay for these classes. One off these courses being the the MCAT (Medical College Admission Test).

mcat

So it will be free in 2020, but years after…

Here is the petition where people are trying to stop this from happening.

I can’t help but wonder what will be next 😕 and I already feared something like this happening ever since Salman Khan posted the vid below.

In this vid, that was made on March 27th 2020, he admits that Khan Academy has been running a deficit for a while.


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This #AllLivesMatter bullshit needs to stop, NOW!

Yes #AllLivesMatter is bullshit. To put it in Chris Rock his words, “Yeah there, I said it” 😎

The #AllLivesMatter bullshit is demeaning to black people. Like black people don’t know that all lives matter (Wtf do you think black people are? Stupid??!!). Also it removes the complete focus from #BlackLivesMatter, it weakens the point black people are trying to make. The point that they have been trying to make for like fucking centuries.

#BlackLivesMatter is about Ruby Nell Bridges Hall on 14 November 1960, who at the tender age of 6 went to an all white school (she is still alive, btw). This was such a shock and outrage to the white community, she had to be escorted by 4 Field Marshalls to safely go to school. And when she was there only one white teacher, was willing to educate her.

 

Ruby going to school.

.

#BlackLivesMatter is about the fact that the descendents (I am using the term here loosely) of that white community that did not want Ruby in their white school. Put shit like this in FUCKING 2020 on Social Media.

 

whitetrash

This lovely social media post is a reaction to the riots, going on right now.

#BlackLivesMatter is aobut Rodney King getting the shit beaten out of him on 3rd of March 1991, which was caught on camera. Four of the officers who went to trial for using excessive violence, basically faced no legal consequences. Which caused the 1992 riots in Los Angeles.

#BlackLivesMatter is about how Amy Cooper used her white privilege on 25th of May 2020 to try (she thankfully failed) ruin a black man’s live. Why? Because he had the nerve to address an issue with her, namely that in that part of Central Park dogs need to be on a leash.

Being the entitled white bitch she is she told him that she would call the police and tell them she was threatened by a black man. Which she did, had the black man not been recording, his life would have been ruined. You can see the lovely vid below.

The confidence and the casualty of Amy Coopers threats that is what #BlackLivesMatter is about.

#BlackLivesMatter is about how George Floyd was killed by 3 policemen on 25th of May 2020. While the public was filming. The confidence of these three murderess, that is what #BlackLivesMatter is about.

SO STOP THE #AllLivesMatter BULLSHIT, AND LET BLACK PEOPLE GET FULL ATTENTION ON THEIR ISSUES. IT IS NOT ONLY DESERVED BUT ALSO VERY NEEDED. STOP WEAKENING THEIR STANCE BY USING THE #AllLivesMatter BULLSHIT.

Regarding the riots and the looting that is going on right now? I condone it, yes people violence is a solution. You know how women got the right to vote in America? BY COMMITTING ACTS OF VIOLENCE.

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.”

I have heard and read that atrocities committed by the police during the riots that are taking place right now and  are caught on camera, are being deleted from reddit, twitter etc. etc. Well, if that is the case, then I’ll host them on here, because that is how I roll 😎

If I am not posting for a while, it is that I might be held in Guantanamo Bay, experiencing wether waterboarding is torture or not 🙄 Remember you can always do the cliccie for a larger piccie 😛


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Yay, school is open in Hong Kong!

schoolisopen

Kids being arrested in Hong Kong.

Nice to see that kids can go back to school in Hong Kong! These kids must be some pretty savage protesters 🙄 OR maybe they were spreading false rumors regarding COVID-19

I mean if China does not appreciate a doctor (Dr Li Wenliang), talking about COVID-19. Who the hell do these little girls think they are, eh?

(Regarding the doctor here is an excerpt form this PDF.
Dr Li, 34, tried to send a message to fellow medics about the outbreak at the end of December 2019. Three days later police paid him a visit and told him to stop. He returned to work and caught the virus from a patient. He had been in hospital for at least three weeks.

Four days later he was summoned to the Public Security Bureau where he was told to sign a letter. In the letter he was accused of “making false comments” that had “severely disturbed the social order”. “We solemnly warn you: If you keep being stubborn, with such impertinence, and continue this illegal activity, you will be brought to justice – is that understood?” Underneath in Dr Li’s handwriting is written: “Yes, I do.” )

Today Hong Kong, tomorrow the rest of the world.

Just in case, I am not planning on committing suicide. And if I ever say good things about China and or the backward honor culture I had the bad luck to be born in, but I managed to escape at 17. Something happened to me, something BAD. Also you can always do the cliccy for the larger piccie 😛


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Hi, China how you doing?

Fixed that issue with Hong Kong yet? You know that issue that has been going since 15th of March 2019? Ooh no, Hong Kong is still fighting for it’s freedom 💡

I have noticed something interesting, ever since I wrote this article. China has been visiting site noticeably more, I can tell by the statistics on the back end of my blog. Don’t get me wrong, before I wrote the article I would get the occasional visit from China. But since the article the amount of visits from China has been dramatically increased. I discussed the matter with my mom (Sonia ❤ ).

china

china2

See China you should have left me alone! Checking this shitty little blog (sometimes multiple times a day!) that only has one critical article about Hong Kong? Seriously 🙄 wtf???!!! CHINA IT IS ON!!

The thing here is what is going on in Hong Kong, hit me hard, it went straight to my core. Like the game HALO did many years ago. Don’t get me wrong me wrong I am aware of the protests that are going on right now in Chili, India etc. etc. But Hong Kong, the protests there are the only I literally feel ^^’

So what to expect? Frequent articles about Hong Kong and the atrocities committed by China. This is not a news blog, the topics I write about will be old news. What kind of blog this is? I don’t fucking know anymore 😎

Here is 3 minute vid that shows what happened in Hong Kong in the past 7 months.

The vid is created by soaringturnip.

Just in case, I am not planning on committing suicide. And if I ever say good things about China and or the backward honor culture I had the bad luck to be born in, but I managed to escape at 17. Something happened to me, something BAD. Also you can always do the cliccy for the larger piccie 😛


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Manual to the Casio Collection W-216H-1BVEF watch

It is the manual to this watch

Watch

It is not a complete manual  💡  just two pages that covers the most important shit (like setting time, date etc. etc). You can find the manual here.

I like this watch, it has a big display with the information I care about. Yes, I know it is not a smart watch 🙂 I don’t like to be traceable all the time. When I go out to commit a murder, I leave my phone at home. The watch tells me how much time I have, before the police might consider it suspicious that I walk around without emitting a phone signal 😎